My husband text me this morning “You keep getting a raw deal.”

Here’s a short list of my recent raw deals, otherwise known as being screwed over. Yes, there’s more, but these are the top three that really just get me.

 

Writing a short story collection titled Loteria. No publisher picked it up, yet that same year someone published a poetry collection titled Loteria which used the same cards I wrote about as a device. They got a big 6 deal, I got a raw deal.

 

Acting as an assistant YA editor of a certain blog where I did all of the research work. The editor got signed on with a prestigious literary agency. I got none.  So, I left the blog. Raw deal again.

 

Was told my poetry collection, which I submitted in 2013, would be published in 2015. Got told last night it would be pushed to 2016. Because of the length of time they held on to it, and thus moving my work to accommodate other people’s work, who likely came after me, I’m leaning towards not just self-publishing that work but  posting it all online here, on my blog because that’s just a raw deal to be told to wait that long.

 

Maybe I’m overly sensitive today. Maybe I just feel so blah and frustrated by this writer life. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just all unfair. Maybe that’s just what this is – unfair. Maybe it’s all just luck and I’ve just had bad luck. Maybe my bad luck won’t end. Maybe one day I’ll have good luck. I have no idea any more. I’m told by everyone to stay positive. Heck, I just wrote a blog about that last week – stay positive, but when you consistently get bad news how can you continue to be upbeat? Maybe all this is just pointing that I’m not good enough and I should just quit, abandon this goal because it’s just not working out. I don’t know. I have my press, and that does well, but I’m a writer too…at least I want to be one. I don’t want to be a writer confined to the indie space forever, yet that’s where I feel cornered and no one is listening. Maybe I’m just meant to be a 9-5 corporate office person who takes care of her kids, keeps a clean house, joins after school meetings and speaks fondly of art from time to time. Maybe I’m just that person who had occasional dreams about what life would have been like had her dreams come true.

 

-Cina

Categories: Blog

Cynthia Pelayo

Cynthia (cina) Pelayo is the author of short story collection Loteria and the young adult horror novel Santa Muerte published by Post Mortem Press. Her short stories and poems have appeared in DM, Weird Year, Flashes in the Dark, SNM Horror Magazine, Seedpod, Static Movement, and more. Pelayo is the Publisher/Gravedigger of Burial Day Books and is a member of the Horror Writers Association. She is currently at work on two novels and a series of short stories and poems. You can find her on Twitter at @cinapelayo or at cinapelayo.com